Quick Synopsis: Remember the 2006 interview where Rob Zombie stated that he had no intention of adding to the plethora of modern horror remakes? This is the sequel to the movie he would never make. (And last I heard, he is slated to do another version of The Blob which has, count them, two worthwhile editions already.)
To be clear, there is nothing inherently wrong with remakes and contrary to a strangely popular belief, their mere existence does not somehow tarnish the original. The issue lies in the fact that they are typically poor films of their own merits. Too often they feel like nothing more than a cash grab off an established product made by people who have no genuine interest in the horror genre. This is likely why I have been so disappointed in Zombie because he clearly does care and proved with The Devil's Rejects (2005), that he can be a quality filmmaker.
H2 (as I guess the cool kids call it) is definitely Zombie's film and for that alone I will give him credit. Unlike his first attempt, which is half backstory no one asked for and half sped up retread of Carpenter's classic, Zombie made a Halloween that is distinctly his own, not that this means it is any good. There is actually very little of H2 that is redeeming. Honestly, I don't know who this appeals to. Unrelenting brutality with little style and less substance is just plain boring. Tension of any kind is a mute point because Michael will annihilate anyone in his path with ease. Speaking of which, where was he for the two years that has past since the first movie? Criss-crossing America's heartland trying to find himself? As well, Laurie Strode, everyone's favorite survivor girl, is reduced to a sniveling shell of a human being who somehow never once comes out of that to fight back and Dr. Loomis is nothing but a cockneyed prick who adds nothing to the story and could have been cut out entirely. These are the three that have shaped this franchise from the beginning, yet they are so indistinguishable here from previous incarnations and all the change for the worse that nothing else could possibly save the film.
I knew better.
2/10
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